The Ones Who Change The World

I realized the other day that I am NOT a performer.

I make phone calls. Take phone calls. Book gigs. Pay Musicians. Make setlists. I dress up. Warm-up. Paint my face. Powder my nose. Practice. Sing. Smile. Perform. 
But as the last chord dissipates into the air I realize I am empty. 

Performances are not the reason I do what I do. They can't be. If I base my life on other peoples pleasure and recognition then I will fail at everything I do. 

I have been singing professionally for about 7 years now, and I used to believe that the highlight of my career was when I was on stage.
Practice for applause. Smile for adoration. Sing for affirmation. 

Thankfully I have grown.

Performing can be a blessing or a curse. You can learn about yourself or hide from yourself. The spotlight can reveal your true identity or your assumed one. The hardest part about this is that the performer gets to pick which one it will be. You can live a life laid bare for all to see and yet never show anyone a damn thing. 

Those that learn and reveal are the true artists. The ones who change the world. 

I don't want to be forgotten. I want to leave a legacy. I want my lyrics and melodies to stand the test of time.
This is the ache I feel within. To create something never created before. To discover the mark I am meant to leave. To fight for and live as the real me.
Music is my weapon. My medicine. My passion. My expression. My voice
I do what I do because I would live an empty and meaningless life without music. 

I will not deny that there have been MANY great artists that are worth impersonating. I wouldn't have been brave enough to leap into music had it not been for stories titled Ella, Billie, Judy, Nina, and many, many more. 
It's easy to conform and copy, but only learn what you can, and then forge your own journey. 
Be brave.
Take risks. 
Be the title of your own story.
If you walk only in the dust of someone else's path the treasure you are meant to discover within yourself will be lost to everyone. Especially YOU. 

Today I sing for ME. 


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